1,022 Warhammer/GW/40K Demotivational Posters


So I had the bright idea to collect all the 40K/WHFB/GW-related de/motivational posters in one place for people's enjoyment. After a few days that turned into over one THOUSAND images.

Posting them all here is probably not a good idea. I'd like to get them up somewhere where just anyone can contribute to the collection, but the best idea I've got right now is 1d4chan.org/wiki/Main_Page and honestly I'm not sure they want or could handle that many images. I sent the main guy, "Wikifag" (what is it with people throwing around the term "fag"?) an email but for now I've settled on tossing up a few a day to a tumblr page. Not that I know much about tumblr.

Another option would be to make a whole new Reddit subgroup, but ...meh. Just hoping to spread around some really cool and funny demotivational posters that people have created over the years. Unfortunately a lot where only publicly available on a website called motivatedphotos.com - now defunct.

Here's a taste of the ones I thought were more funny than the rest:

What kind of gamer are you?

Bear with me on this one, it might get a bit meta.

I started playing Drakar och Demoner, the Swedish-language local version of (GURPS, actually) D & D back in 1980-something with some local middle-school friends. Read Dragonlance books. Read Battletech and Warhammer and Tolkien and the first big 40K story that made a big impression on me - Deathwing.
Gang Wars/Necromunda style game in White Dwarf 207 (?)

Got the Blood Bowl game. Got Adeptus Titanicus. Got some 40K terminators but never actually played any of the games. Played computer games. Fast forward to 2002-ish when I got the Diablo bug while studying for a Master's Degree (during a blazing war out to sea in the Persian Gulf, no less - but I digress). D2X. Then World of Warcraft fairly hardcore for 4-5 years, off and on - see coldbear.wordpress.com

All this time I've been more interested in immersion and emotional feedback from games, than winning (I'm hugely competitive in many other aspects of my life, and like to win at games, too). Games are memorable when they create emotions. See http://liquidcode.org/~lostman/wow/dkeserver.se/stuff/angwe/

Warhammer Fantasy Battle unit platter
If there's no emotion involved, if there's no caring, no immersion, then it's just a game. Of course it's just a game, it's not real, it's play pretend. But if you can invest something in it more than just some dice rolls or hitting hotkeys, then there's something there - and a potentially huge emotional involvement and payoff. To a point.

Warhammer Fantasy Battle - not much terrain, eh?
Let's face it, most of us live fairly mundane lives (though I've seen the depths of the ocean at 2,000 ft, have been to one of the toughest military training programs on the planet, been close to death on plenty of rockfaces and been around the globe twice etc etc...). It'd be cool to step into something more exciting once in a while, with no risk. Therefore my computer gaming insistence on lack of UI and immersion and internal consistency and believability - let's not explain everything with the old "oh, it's magic."

Now for the Games Workshop/Warhammer focus bit. Some pictures first:

 Ok, the pictures are gonna have to hang out on the side. Take a look through them.

Warhammer Fantasy Battle - no or little terrain, moving things around on platters. No immersion. Just a flat field and weird big platters taking up space and making it seem like the bases of a bunch of models have a really huge footprint. Let's not forget the "ok, now there's big magic flying bolts going off, and this guy here has a magic sword thing." The latter part which is purely imaginary - there's no visual representation, unless you're in a computer environment.
40K with more terrain than usual

Necromunda professionally done
Mordheim - tons of terrain. City stuff. Individual units. Campaign-focused or individual skirmish games with low-model-count. Lose one model and you care. Lose a few more and you're done.

Same with Necromunda, Coreheim, Deathsquads, ITEN, Killzone or any of a number of skirmish-focused Warhammer Fantasy/40K styles. This is where the models really look like they fit in. Small bases that don't obscure the terrain much, since the model is large compared to its footprint. Sure it's just a toy soldier, but darnit - it fits. It's not quite an awesome immersive experience, but pretty darn close.
Epic 40K

40K regular style. 2000 pts on a 6x4 table top. Tons of models. Individually moved models. Small bases or no bases in case of vehicles (I hate vehicles, it's silly to have flyers - hell no a fixed-wing airplane with wings and propellers/turbines isn't a skimmer - and in a small tactical situation). Fairly decent, better than WHFB for me, and a bit more believable with some terrain and whatnot. I'm not a big fan of units just unloading and moving 30" in a turn straight across the board, but what the heck. Now there's less magic and more just shooty guns stuff. That's a bit more immersive to me than big magic - there's a guy with a gun, he shoots, you can't see the bullets anyway so there's no break in the suspension of disbelief (minor and tenuous as it is).

I'd prefer 500 pts or 1000 pts and not so many vehicles and less movement per turn to make the field of battle seem larger and each turn be a "smaller snapshot in time" of the battle. I'd rather have an immersive simulation than a game that you just play to win with GK vs GK and silly things like that. I'd much rather have a story-line narrative tournament/campaign than just a straight-up measure of skill with diabolically and clinically even playing fields to make sure that skill is the only thing that comes out on top - similar to the arenas in World of Warcraft.

Squat Epic 40K
BFG/Aeronautica Imperialis/Man O' War - kind of special deals here in that there's little actual terrain, mostly just empty space, a felt mat or whatnot. Plus no-one really plays much AI/MOW anymore. I'd love to get me some AI. Either case you can see that the model is not dwarfed by the base as is the case in WHFB platter-syndrome. Still looks a bit weird sometimes though.

Epic 40K and Warmaster etc - big bases that clash with the background. You look like you're moving around little squares with pegs on them instead of units. No. I'd rather not. Epic 40K looks nicer and more impressive and immersive when you're talking Titans. Or Battletech style. Big models relative to base size. Especially if the underlying terrain is a contrasting colour. Pet peeve with me. Nice looking model on crazy base that clashes with the terrain and just ruins how it looks in play.

But then again many people don't agree with me. I'm ok with that. It's just a matter of finding like-minded people to play with. I'd love to play this girl's list: http://elorrahstormbringer.blogspot.com/2011/12/genestealer-overkill.html Yes, she's a real live girl that plays 40K.
Battlefleet Gothic

 So - what kind of player are you? Is it a game or a story or both or more of one and a bit of the other? Is it about painting and the hobby and the fluff or more about finding a way to win.

To each their own.

This is what a video battle report should look like.

Slightly hard to follow as it goes pretty fast. But damn good. Immersive. This is the essence of what 40K is to me - the not-so-competitive player - I want that story, the emotional investment in your little dudes and what happens. If you don't care - then what's the point? Winning? Congratulations, all that time spent for a very fleeting feeling of smug superiority. I'd rather have a narrative, but maybe that's just the original Drakar & Demoner RPGer in me speaking (very old GURPS-style, iirc, Swedish-language RPG I played a lot back in 1988ish).

So how, la?

Tripod. Or steadicam. Some basic editing. Some sound effects. And a bunch of planning ahead of time. It's really the planning that shines in this video.

Best Battlefleet Gothic battle report video I've seen.

Good voiceovers, awesome immersive table top setup (could have lost the papers, pens and dice but meh), well painted models. Slightly lacking in easily overviewed tactics, but if you know BFG you can probably tell what's up. I've never played it (would love to) and so had some difficulty following, but cool nonetheless, and it's not like good BFG video battle reports are all over youtube, really.

Give the guy some love and subscribe imo. http://www.youtube.com/user/Fixer40000

Finding players and Tragedy of the Commons.

Just discovered http://www.tabletoptournaments.net/ today. Great site. Started in Germany (lol I just love reading English written by Germans, in a good way) in 2004-2005, then spread South to other German-speaking countries, then France, the UK and now the US as well. It's well populated in Europe but there's precious little in the US part of the database. But it's a start if you're looking for things that you can't just walk into a local gaming store and get a pick-up game with on a Saturday afternoon.


So what's the problem here?

The problem is we have a bunch of specialist websites and forums. And we have Games Workshop shutting down their forums (for good reasons, imho). And we have a bunch of local gaming stores. All of whom want traffic to *their* website. Advertising revenue, building a customer base, building reputation and exposure. You have lists of players of X, Y and Z games on each website.

All of this results in a bunch of different actors taking a chunk of the players and gamers out there, depleting a common resource (hang with me here, I know it's a bit of a stretch, but you get the point) - people's time, effort and energy in regards to joining and registering on a website and posting what they're looking for, where and when and whatnot.

Not directly relevant.
Hell, we even had a new one launch just a few months ago. What the heck was he thinking, making one more website for gamers to find gamers - that will take how many months or years to get fully populated and actually useful? He was thinking - "I have a good idea and I'm gonna make it happen!"

More power to him. It's good thing that he's giving the other, stagnant but established systems/websites/resources a run for their money. But the community of geeks and gamers have yet to fully embrace anything other than their local group, and Facebook and Twitter (?) and Youtube - the latter three of which are pervasive due to their ubiquitousness outside of the subculture of gaming and geekery. In a few years some of these websites will establish dominancy. Til then we're kind of stuck in a rut. But check them all out and register on a few or all, especially if you're crazy enough to want to play some weird, unsupported Specialist Game like Dark Future - then you'll have your work cut out for you.

SIMPLE SOLUTION(tm) - Spread the word. Research. Register on what you find worthwhile. Tell your friends. Help expand the sites to make them more useful. Write a small blog post about it. BAM - you just made things easier for the next guy. Check back in a few months, maybe things will be useful.

Best battle report I've seen.

This comes up if you google "40K cool" images.
Creative as all hell. Tons of work went into it. After effects. Planning. Semi-professional camerawork with a tripod. No wonder that the latter stages of the battle haven't been completed, as this is a crapton of work.

That said - a few hopefully constructive criticisms. I'm not a fan of green playing surfaces. They end up contrasting a lot with bases and buildings and whatnot. Straight black usually works better, even given that many model's bases are black sides and some sort of "terrain-coloured" top of the base - or even worse, "special," with some sort of converted terrain piece addition like crystals or a piece of a ruin that makes the individual unit look great alone but doesn't blend at all with the actual table top gaming terrain environment. Black, grey, olive drab gaming surface and same with the model bases. Anything else just ends up looking very contrasting - but I suppose it's just a game after all and many people care more about how their models look alone or in the privacy of your own collection, or just not "boring."

#2 - individual units moving one by one looks a bit weird.

#3 - individual units in a crowd firing one by one looks a bit weird. A tactical squad all firing at once would have been very cool.

Both the above I'm inclined not to care too much about since this is a battle report, not an immersive simulation. The video is damn good, just a few things *I* would do different. Or try to. Mad respect to the people who did this. I'd try something similar, but on a smaller scale with fewer units. I have plenty of experience editing CGI gaming videos, but never messed with actual effects like these.

#4 - the buildings alternately look nice and just weirdly paper-y. Meh.

Starting to think that how people deal with this hobby is more and more a reflection of whether they want a game or a narrative, immersive story.

In other news dealing with the US health insurance/dental insurance system is a p.i.t.a. and complex as all hell.

P.S. I'm gonna try to get a "Flowchart Friday" fun series up and running. Sort of like http://forthebubbles.wordpress.com/tag/flowchart-friday/ First up will be some sort of take on "I want to play 40K..."

How to find players

NEW: http://www.tabletoptournaments.net/ - seems populated database, checking now.

Finding players is a huge issue for some of us.

Well-supported, popular games and you don't care who you play or what terrain or format or how things are done or the WAAC meta? Congratulations, you're all set. But for Man O' War, BFG, Aeronautica Imperialis, Epic 40K, Necromunda, Mordheim, Dark Future and whatnot you're a bit S.O.L.

I've been working on solutions. Best I can find is these:
  • Google gaming stores. Use the Games Workshop store locator. Google "" and all the games you're interested in. Keep in mind that people who play a well-spread game like Epic 40K might be open to BFG or AI. 40K players might be interested in Necromunda or its fan-made variants that they don't have to buy stuff for. Fantasy players will be interested in Mordheim etc.
  • http://www.meetup.com/ - Good for lots of popular things, not so good for trying to find people to play old board games/wargames with. If you want something not just for wargaming, this is it.
  • http://needgamers.com/ - New startup that looks great. But not so great once you realize the guy who's operating it is just doubling up on the work already done by people on the three above websites.
  • boardgamegeek.com is a great website, but sadly not much in the way of finding players. They really should have put a map up and let people network.

I recently purchased an awesome vintage 1980s GW game called "Dark Future" - but finding people to play with is going to be a...

San Diego specific stuff I've found (might be in DC soon enough):

Lord Inquisitor trailer. Fan made CGI feature film.


Not the greatest voice-over, but very good quality CGI and some good flow. I'd pay $10 to see something like this for an hour or so, assuming they got the voiceovers right.

I'm still very slowly working on a similar CGI movie script for Eisenhorn. Look for it in 2022.

In other news, FTW blog network. New job as of 5 days ago, so a bit busy. Real-life inquisitorial investigations happening right now.

Cool 40K Assassin models

I'm a tad underwhelmed by the 40K Vindicare and Culexus models. There are some alternatives out there - various Scout models for the Vindicare, mainly - though the Culexus is a bit set in stone as the head piece is rather visually distinctive. Too big and unwieldy-looking and a bit whack for me, but to each their own.

A Vindicare standing up to shoot is just a bit weird to me as a former platoon designated shooter myself, but I suppose. Gotta have uniform height for models for LOS gaming purposes and all that. Plus no-one wants a model that's lying down and covered in a ghillie suit. Callidus is fine, but for the paintjobs that people put on them imho - white skulls and emblems on a sneaky assassin? Sure, after the Polymorphine and all that, I suppose... Eversor - well, all bets are off there. Go crazy, maybe convert with an Arco-flagellant or something, though the base model looks swell enough.

But there's also older models to consider. Like, way old.

Some still available via Ebay at http://goo.gl/LEqqD (SFW, Ebay link).

1981 Spacefarers Citadel Miniatures
"Cyborg Assassin" model.
Unreleased Culexus model.
Rogue Trader Assassin,
make the gun longer and there's your Vindicare.
Dark Elf Assassin counts as 40K DCA to me.
Incidentally, some Dark Elf fantasy dual-wielding models can look pretty nice. Unlike the official 40K Death Cult Assassin females in bikinis and high heels - lol what? So unless you're playing with jerks, I'd just substitute the dual-wielding Dark Elf.
Dark Elf Assassin counts as 40K DCA to me.

Shadowblade, Dark Elf Assassin counts as 40K DCA to me.
Really, any mostly un-armoured model dual-wielding swords will do as far as I'm concerned. Slightly more reasonable and immersive than a girl in a bikini, high heels and two power swords. Your call, most people don't really care for things like reasonable realism in a fictional universe filled with magic and psykers and power armour and whatnot. But I do. RP, lore, fluff, immersion and all that. Less of a game and more of a story, to me, though I understand most people don't see it that way. Maybe I should stick to things like Mordheim and Necromunda, esp. due to the overwhelming fan-base focus on competitive WH 40K play. People doing "dice rolling technique" and nudging models forward to get in range, nit-picking template placements and rules and Win-At-All-Cost attitudes and all that. Plus I guess it's reasonable to get upset if you spend $1300 to field an army, get it all painted up and then get your butt kicked by some overgrown rules lawyer with poor or non-existent social skills. I'd rather not be in that environment.

But yeah, assassin models. Cool.
EDIT: Just toured a few gaming stores in San Diego. Turns out there's tons of ninja-looking appropriate-scale miniatures with dual-wielding daggers/swords from various manufacturers. Have a look around.

"Deathsquads" - Fan-based WH40K skirmish game.

Horrible name with some nasty real-world connotations, but great idea.


Basically Necromunda with some updated rules, less gangs, more pre-existing 40K miniatures and races - IG, Renegade IG, Orks, Kroots, Eldar, Chaos whatever, Spess Mehrines. Incidentally, it appears that others have tried to do the same thing: http://iten-game.org/ I have never played either, nor have I ever played an actual game of 40K, or actually played any GW tabletop games whatsoever, though back in 1989(?) I had a copy of some 40K rulebook, Blood Bowl box, Titanicus box and actually painted some Terminators. Either case ITEN seems a bit more "throw out the rules and let's rewrite everything" than DS, so I'm digging DS a bit more. There's also Kill Team and some other 40K skirmish variants, with their own issues (KT supposedly being madly unbalanced).

Now for something completely different:


In other news the guy I just bought Dark Future and Chainsaw Warrior from turns out to be a 15-year employee of Games Workshop. Swell guy named Max Bottrill:

Max Bottrill
This is Max clutching his first ever Citadel Miniatures Catalogue. It's proper old and was made before we filled the catalogue with full-colour photographs - back then all of the miniatures were represented by illustrations.
Why is he swell? Because he listed Dark Future and Chainsaw Warrior on http://boardgamegeek.com/ without including any shipping costs to the US, so I emailed him asking if he'd consider checking how much it'd be. He took the games to the post office and got a quote for £48. I sprung on the deal seeing as how Dark Future is up on Ebay for $350 and he was selling it for much much less, with added models to boot. Send him the money and he goes to the post office to ship. And they now tell him they made a mistake and it's £70 to ship. He decides to just eat the extra cost. Good guy. I decide to split the added cost and send him an extra £11. So yes, there are good people working at GW, and they're not all heartless, non-gaming greedy bastards.

EDIT: Also, hello IHOP - Int'l House of Paincakes Blog Network.

Int'l House of Paincakes Blog Network

...hmmm, Chainsaw Warrior models, old school, for 40K or better yet Necromunda/DS. The DS name needs to change, I'm forum-warrioring about getting it done, see http://www.deathsquadsgame.com/t2281-the-meaning-of-the-term-death-squad

Callidus "Polymorphine" rules clarification


Issue: Can cover saves be taken against the Callidus Assassin’s Polymorphine attack?
Holding: Yes, cover saves may be taken against wounds caused by the Polymorphine attack, but only cover which does not depend on the position of the firer applies.
These guys are pretty pimp. Email or post your 40K rules questions and they find the precedents and similar rules to figure out the ACTUAL EVIDENCE and support for what or what not.

Cheers, dudes.


Small victories, man. I used the word monodominant in an official gov't interview writing skills exam. And scored high enough to get recruited. Heh. EDIT 2: Meh. Apparently the word does exist outside of WH40K - it's a biological term related to when a species has completely taken over a given niche in an area, such as when a certain type of tree is the only tree in one particular forest.

Ordo Xenos Inquisitor + Jokaero

Ordo Xenos Inquisitor + Jokaero
So my GK no GK no mech triple Assassin army list has an Ordo Xenos Inquisitor and monkeys in it. Jokaero, whatever.

Hmmm... not sure whether to call it a fluff list anymore, or just stupid. Or cool. Yeah, not really sure how to deal with this. Eh, *shrug*. I just want to play something cool with awesome stuff and have fun. I'm okay with only winning against bad players or horrible lists or people that I can manage to get drunk first.

Dark Future reading list.


Dark Future game
Dark Future was originally a replacement for Games Workshop's early board game Battlecars, which merged combative car gadgets in a Mad Max background. Published in 1988, the game was set in the (then-future) year of 1995.

Novels by Jack Yeovil (pen name of Kim Newman) created an alternate history where Elvis Presley is a hard-as-nails bounty hunter and Oliver North is president of the United States. In 2005 the setting was brought back as a series of novels published by GW's fiction imprint Black Flame. 

Dark Future anthology, second print.

The final book of the "Demon Download Cycle", "United States Calvary" [not a typo], was promised in the back of Comeback Tour but never produced.

Unpublished and lost: Violent Tendency by Eugene Byrne, completed manuscript lost when the writer's Amstrad PCW died.

Sources:http://futurehighways.roll2dice.com/general/archives_books.html, http://www.eugenebyrne.co.uk/ and http://eugenebyrne.wordpress.com/

More background here: http://www.vectormagazine.co.uk/article.asp?articleID=42
'"Curse all manling coach drivers and all manling women," muttered Gotrek Gurnisson, adding a curse in Dwarvish ...' 

That's the first line of 'Geheimnisnacht' by William King, the first story in the first book of Warhammer fiction, the anthology Ignorant Armies, published in 1989. Since that beginning there has been published a whole string of books, magazines and comics, set in the universes of the highly successful war games and role-playing games marketed by Games Workshop (GW). 

...Today GW publishes new and reprinted fiction — great mountains of it, in fact — under its 'Black Library' imprint. But over the years GW fiction itself has been the subject of a saga of gamers and business suits, of orthodoxies and heresies, of Stakhanovites and rebels, of collapses and recoveries, of intriguing lost possibilities, and of struggles for literary freedom in an 'owned universe'. 

I've been arguing for some time that somebody ought to do a proper study of this saga. Well, nobody more qualified than me took up my challenge, and if you want something done … My aim here is to set out an informal history of GW literature, especially that of the Pringle period, based on the personal recollections of those involved, told as far as possible in their own words. I'd love to see a proper academic study of this body of work some day. 
Bonus: http://www.interrobangstudios.com/potluck/index.php?strip_id=989

That's what happens when you let Kaldor Draigo run around in the warp carving his name into this or that.

UPDATE: No sooner had I finished this post than the following appeared in my inbox.
Eugene Byrne email reply within 19 hours.

Gaunt school.

Gaunt school.

6th Edition: Warhammer 41,000

IT IS THE 42nd millennium. The Tyranids have eaten Ultramar, the proud Ultramarines are presumed killed to the last man with a strike force lost in the warp. The commander of the Word Bearers sent a message of condolence to the High Lords of Terra, then curbstomped Cadia. Isolated fragments of the Cadian Guard and Titan units still hold out in the mountains, and some regiments were off-world. The Word Bearer's message was intercepted by Clade Vanus of the Officio Assassinorum but opened a warp-rift that destroyed 3 sub-levels of a hive. Clade Vanus was blamed, and a small war ensued for 13 months between Clade Vindicare, Clade Vanus and an Astartes garrison force. 5,000 citizens starved to death, too afraid to go outside during the war. One hive governor was shot at dinner, the rest of the guests were too scared to move and carried on dining around his corpse.

A Hive Fleet reached the doors to the Imperial Palace but was repelled, having taken down Earth's defenses with assimilated Eldar biotechnology and slaves. Ghostly apparitions are manifesting in the Imperial Palace. Necrons have all but conquered a sector in Segmentum Ultimus, Imperial Forces tactically advanced in the opposite direction while the Necrons were backdoor pummeled by Eldar, Orks and Eldar Renegades, the latter of which are lead by "a mysterious figure." Several High Lords of Terra flee to Maginor, face death by Orks, who ignore them in favour of attacking another Waaagh.

The Tau accidentally invade the Webway, and several large Tau fleets are now infested with Harlequins. Two never before seen Space Marine chapters appear and wreak havoc across multiple segments. Their chapter names are not confirmed, but it's along the lines of "Templar's Death Goth Angels." One Chapter Master, whose speech is near un-intelligble, has been lost in the Webway for millennia, doomed to slaughter and re-slaughter immortal Eldar spirits as well as lost Tau. He is sometimes able to surf a Tau ship into real-space but is forced back into the Webway by his honour oath to aid Ensign Amethystra Star Shinobi Aiko Pikard Janemay Sue, the troubled Medical Officer/Secret Inquisitor of the flagship Gloria Imperialis.

To sum up: Tyranids eat Ultramar and land on Earth. Necrons conquer a sector, and are in turn re-conquered. There is a mysterious figure. The Tau are lost in an Eldar bus terminal. Space Marines do their thing, with bad accents. The Orks go Waaaaaagh! The Blood Angels have not responded to questions about Necrons, other than to say "butt out."

In the grim dark darkness of the far grimness, there is only future, and it is grim. To be alive in such times is to have no clue what's going on, and you'll probably die before you're 40. With a headache.

Free rules, tactical, official GW Warhammer game that you only need 1-5 models to play. Pit Fighter.

I had no idea about this, found it by accident. More people should know, I'd start playing this right now, with $10 spent on eBay if someone's in San Diego.

1. Free download rules at http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1340002_Pit_Fighter.pdf

2. Official arena map: http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1340003_Pit_Fighter_Boards.pdf (or use any medium-size hex surface).

4. http://tabletopgeeks.com/wp-content/downloads/supplements/TownCryer14.pdf Campaign rules.

3. http://tabletopgeeks.com/wp-content/downloads/supplements/TownCryer21.pdf Warbands expanded.

Rules available for:
Chaos Pit Fighter
Empire Pit Fighter
Orc (with "Waaagh!" special move)
Skink (javelin & net)
Troll Slayer
Witch Elf (forward/backward flips)
Pit King

Getting into 40K etc.

New job coming up, eventually. New location. 37 years old, unmarried, with liabilities and uncertainties. Money issues.

$1500 on a 40K army is just not gonna happen.

But how about:

Aeronautica Imperialis
Aeronautica Imperialis and few Eldar or Tay or Imperial fighters and whatnot. Plus a rulebook and it's cheap enough.

Battlefleet Gothic is just a few models and a second-hand rulebook.

Titanicus - Epic scale 40,000. Cheap enough. Just go with the Titans and stay with a few medium-size models to keep it cheap.

Blood Bowl - teams are only so big.

Dark Future - books are cheap if you search for used. Small number of models. EBay.


500pts 40k army consisting of 20 non-GK models, or 1000pts at 36 models. GK no GK, no vehicles, triple assassins for fun and cool and insanity. Not gonna win much, but it might throw some people off.

Yeah, that last one will have to wait.

Ok - Eldar AI squadron. Eldar BFG fleet. Eldar Titans. Or Imperials v.v. To start with.

Blood Bowl team from eBay. Dark Future and whatnot as opportunities present themselves. Might even make a buck off of knowing how to buy, split things into pieces and re-sell.

Thunder Road or Dark Future or Car Wars or all three?


OP on a points-per-kill threat scale. Go away. Or up the cost. They should not be the sole go-to upgrade thing. Let other things play, too, like plasma pistols and power weapons and whatnot.

Randomness in 40K.

Randomness in 40K is a good thing. It's also bad.

It'd be boring if nothing random ever happened. If it was just a chess game and you moved them knowing exactly what would happen. There needs to be random stuff. There needs to be gambling on probabilities.

But some stuff is just wrong. Rolling for a new ability and looking in a table each turn.

Daemonhosts - roll each turn and check to see what ability you have. No. That should have been roll once before the game starts and pick two of the following abilities. Cost adjusted as necessary, or whatever. The thing is ridiculously underpowered and undercosted compared to the lore and fluff anyway. The Jokaero rolls before the game starts is perfectly fine, encouraged even. Your army just took a sudden turn in a direction you hadn't planned on. Adjust and play accordingly. That's great.

Doing that every turn is not so great. You don't want a "serious" game won or lost based on one dice that gave some weird unit some strange thing just for that one turn. That's not skill or exciting or cool. That's just a single dice roll that invalidated all the hard work that either of the players had done so far - unless you wish to claim that the skill is evidenced in getting the unit to a position where it could win the game dramatically in the first place. Which is a bit too meta for me. EDIT: then again, not like C:GK doesn't have a crapton of costly units already, so from a gameplay versus GK perspective this is understandable. But in that case I'd just as soon not have Daemonhosts in the GK codex. Cool model, cool concept, shouldn't be there, bad implementation. But then again, maybe I'm just another Dan Abnett fanboy and Daemons really should be 10 pts.

Coteaz' Psybereagle. Awesome little fluffy addition to a cool guy. No servitor skulls but we can forgive that, it's available via the Techmarine and another Inquisitor and the Grand whosyourdaddy anyway.

The Psybereagle gets D6 attacks. That's just another extra dice that needs to be rolled each turn. I'd be perfectly happy with just 2 attacks, cost adjusted maybe - or 3 attacks and same cost. One less individual dice roll each shooting turn is a simple way to speed up gameplay.

Orks are notoriously dice-roll-y for abilities and things happening. I'm fine with that. Some people love it. Cool. Let those people enjoy their thing, it's supported by tradition and the fluff and lore and all that. But the rest of the game could use with a bit less rolling one single die and looking in an obscure table each turn.

The dice rolling should mostly be confined to things that the players can easily keep memorized already, except for maybe some things here and there, big cool mega-important things. Not like some dipstick little 10-point underpowered daemonhost model that needs a D6 rolled each turn just to see what it can do.


1. Callidus appears. D6 ST4 AP2 hits. Not specified if CC or shooting attacks.

I'd maintain it's either a CC attack or an unspecified "special" attack, but certainly not a ranged attack as the Callidus' ranged attack is a Template ST8* AP1 attack. (* Resolved against target's Leadership.)

Needs clarification.

Warhammer 40,000 Callidus Assassin
Nice inconspicuous long white topknot thing, etc.

2. Callidus can hit vehicles with the opening "Polymorphine" special rule attack. The Callidus' ranged weapon, the Neural Shredder, can not harm vehicles.

3. Callidus is placed within 3" of the unit, or where the unit was if destroyed. Nothing says a Callidus can't attack a unit locked in CC. No shooting can generally be done against a unit in CC.

4. Let's assume that the Callidus destroys the unit that was locked in CC. Does the friendly unit get a consolidation move? I'm inclined to say no.

5. Rule as written has the Callidus placed within 3" using Deep Strike rules - therefore can shoot but not assault that turn. This is somewhat ridiculous, but I suppose it could conceivably be overpowered if not. Weird. OP-ness must of course be measured against unit cost and synergy with the rest of the codex and weapons and likelihood of swaying a battle and fluff and lore and all that.

EDIT: Rumoured changes coming in 6th edition is Deep Striking units being allowed to shoot immediately upon entry into play. Maybe I'm grasping at straws here, but there's a few possibilities:
A. The rumour is full of crap.
B. Rumour true, but Polymorphine rule changes to make the Callidus essentially stay the same.
C. Rumour true, Polymorphine changes differently or is clarified or Callidus is otherwisely changed (my guess).
D. Rumour true, Polymorphine wording is unchanged, all of a sudden Callidus is looking a tiny bit better. Not good, but better.

Melta weaponry. Starting to notice a pattern.

So every time I see an Imperial list there seems to be lots of Melta weaponry and especially Multi-meltas. And transports.

Some of each is cool. Too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing, especially when it crowds out the variety and fluff and cool toys. Everything should have a place. Every unit should be useful to some sort of list, maybe not totally competitive but within 10% or so. Same with weapons.

Let's not have Multi-meltas all over the place to the blatant exclusion of anything else. Maybe jack up the prices of transports and MMs. Maybe not have so many units that get to move and fire heavy weaponry at the same time.

Meh. Was going to have 2 sets of 3 servitors with my 2-Inquisitor army list, and have them be Heavy Bolter, Heavy Bolter and a Multi-melta. Now that looks suicidal against anything but footsloggers and horde armies. You simply have to have the anti-armoured vehicle stuff - and the Plasma Cannon at another 10 pts with the additional chance of blowing up yourself ...is a bit of a pain. I like Heavy Bolters. Heavy Bolters look cool and awesome in any version of 40K - but I guess that's a thing of the past in the TT game these days.

Grenades, grenades and more grenades.

I have not read every codex. I haven't even read the entire rulebook in, oh, about 20 years. Maybe more.

But after checking out some Eldar and Eldar Renegades and Tyranids and the GK (I'm only there for the Coteaz + Henchmen stuff) lists I've come to a conclusion:


How many does this game really need?
Rad - umm, ok. A little shoehorned Mary Sue stuff never hurts. Well, it does, but not that much.
Melta bombs - sure, kind of like a satchel charge thingy. All right.
Plasma - ok, well known 40K stuff that goes boom.
Photon - wait, what?
Empyrean Brain Mines - dunno if this is even a grenade.
Psychotroke - huh?
Psyk-out grenades - the first thing I ever looked at in a 40K rulebook and went "dude, that's a stupid name." Come on, why not call it something like "Anti-psyker grenades".
Egerian Geode?
Haywire - ok, basic EMP thing.
Ork grenades - ok, sure, but why they couldn't just use the Krak stuff is beyond me.
Anti-plant - Agent Orange, sure.
Choke - what? CS?
Hallucinogen - do we need this and the Psychotroke?
Scare gas. Come on. How about just making that a possible result of the Hallucinogen ones?
Stasis - getting silly, now.
Tanglefoot - how about calling it "Web" or "Sticky" or "Glue" grenades?
Toxin - sure.
Vortex - still around?
Xeno filament - huh? Wouldn't that be peculiar to each race?

So what's the point?

The point is that there's too much stuff to keep track of for a new player - it should just be about 5-10 main choices and the rest "count as" or have a modifier to the result. There's only so much stuff you can do with explosives and their effect on an animal. You're an animal. Humans are animals. Tau and Eldar are animals. 

Let's say that the Tau designer wants to give his footsoldiers a close-in anti-tank weapon. He designs a cool, fluffy little self-contained robot that runs around autonomously and kills tanks. Or "counts as" a double melta-bomb, rather. There's no need to give the effect a new name, like "Chumba-Wumba grenade Mk 3" - just say "Melta Bomb x2" and move on.

Same thing with the weapons. There's inflation in number of different weapons and their ammuniton. Each new codex just has to have some "new" stuff. But really - there's only so much stuff you can fire out of the barrel of a gun until you run into warp magic or whatever. Let's keep it to "Armour Piercing ammunition" and "Armour Piercing +2" or similar. Make things easy for a player to relate to, even if they haven't faced that threat before. I should be able to look at a list and immediately know if their weapons/ammunition are a huge anti-vehicle threat, etc.

End rant.

EDIT: Fluff is nice. "Flesh hooks" for Tyranids is nice, and it'd be a bit silly to just give them Frag grenades. The "Flesh hooks counts as assault grenades" is a very nice way to give Lictors a small buff something while still keeping things nominally fluffy lore-wise. Solution would be to have the Army List info for Lictors read:

Lictor with Flesh hooks 6" 6ST Assault 2, Rending (also counts as Frag grenades)

That way any person not familiar with Lictors doesn't have to flip back to the Lictor-special fluff page to find the special rule, they just know that having the Flesh hooks gives the Lictor a pistol-type attack that also counts as having Frag grenades for purposes of Assaulting. Ta-daa! The fluffy-loving Tyranid player gets to keep his fluffy cool name "Flesh hooks" (because that *is* a pretty damn cool name) and the rest of us innocent victims get to quickly and easily figure out what the hell is up with this thing that's set to get sprung on my slice of cool mini dudes.

Rules, special rules, and special special rules.

There's no need to dumb down the game, but there is a need to stop making a new special rule for every single unit to the extent that there's an bunch of exceptions to every single basic rule, or even exceptions to already special rules where one USR trumps another.
  • Rule: all units in this situation have a cover save, always.
  • This USR makes this unit ignore cover saves. OK, WELL I GUESS NOT QUITE "ALWAYS".
  • This new USR makes units with rules that ignore cover saves - no longer ignore cover saves. WAIT WHAT?
  • This super mega new, really new USR ignores all other rules, and cover saves do not apply, no matter what any other rules say times infinity more than you can say. Nanananaanaana-naa. OH, CHRIST. REALLY?
WTF, dude. They need to organize this stuff. See more at http://kirbysblog-ic.blogspot.com/2011/06/in-defense-of-modular-rules-by.html

Or better example - what's that rule that is literally explained as "This counts as Fleet and Scout"?? Why not just say "Fleet & Scout" then, why have the special name that I don't recognize until I've played that unit/army/list a bunch of times?

New guy walks up to table with his unpainted group of whosyourdaddys with a not-yet-legal army list and not much clue other than a few days looking at the rulebook and having bought his own army's codex that afternoon.

He's now facing an "equal" points army list that's not ideal or perfect, but at least put together by someone with some clue about how an FOC works. He gets tabled. Again and again and again. 

Ok. So Warhammer 40K is a bit of an elitist system to get into, you need to know a lot of intricate stuff to stand a chance. It's unforgiving and not nice to new people. That's not cool. There needs to be some sort of learning curve and - wait, that's impossible, you're pretty much just stuck being at the mercy of whatever person you're playing against. And some people are jerks. Luckily there's also nice people. If you meet the latter, latch on to them and never let them go.

My argument: Any person should be able to read the "special rules" section of the basic rulebook and now have a basic idea of how things work - then get a printout with the army list and special rules for each unit/character in the opposing <Army he's never heard of> and stand a fighting chance at knowing what each unit is capable of and what could possibly happen.

Necron Lordylord with grenades, grenades, heavy cannon, supersafety armour and special rules Resistant to Bullets, Leader +5, Terror +2
2 squads of Skeleton Warriors with Armourpiercing +9 rifles, safety armour and special rule Resurrect 50%.
And so on and so forth.

Ok - new guy has never read the Necron codex or heard of Mr. Lordylord. But he saw the thing in the rulebook about "Resistant to Bullets", knows that a "Leader" can grant +5 to some Leadership roll army-wide, and obviously the Terror rule is something to scare his guys with. That's a good situation. Yes, the example rules are corny and the names are bad - hopefully you're smart enough to realize that they're just examples and I've never even looked at the Necron codex.

Here's reality:
Hive Tyrant - Monstrous Creature (more or less self-explanatory), Synapse Creature (what?), Scything Talons (what? why not just say "Rending Talons"?), Psyker, Shadow in the Warp (why not just call it Anti-psyker 12"?), Old Adversary - why not just say "Preferred Enemy 6" friendly units"? And I didn't even get through half the rules yet.

A new guy shouldn't have to stop, ask, borrow a book, flip back and forth and then still get his butt handed to him because he didn't understand the synergy between this or that special rule. Like a whatchamallit Eldar wizard dude in a transport escorting an Avatar with some wizard buff stuff. Rules don't need to have a special name every time.

There's no need to re-invent the wheel every time you write a new codex. Each new codex doesn't need to be better and stronger than the old ones. Hell - why even launch a brand new codex if the old old ones aren't updated yet?

Luckily Necrons are about to drop here in a week or two with - unluckily - some rather insanely overpowered rules. But each of the 4th Ed codexes should be updated before any new races or more likely - Spess Mehrine chapters - are introduced.

While we're at it, CSM chapters need their own codexes. Nurgle, Tzeentch, Khorne and Slaanesh all need their own. Orks need Gorka and Morka codexes.

End rant. 

What the hell was that?

That was a throwaway post on some random musings related to:

Getting back into a hobby that I put on hold back in 1989-ish.

What's cool in 40K:
The imaginary universe with the most amount of wasted person-hours. [Rough paraphrase of something I saw written.]

What's not:
Imbalanced gameplay. Outdated mechanics. Non-streamlined gameplay. New people having to know everything from 15 different books to get a good game going. Mech everything. Zoom across the board and pull your favourite move, slingshot, disembark forward or whatever silliness.

What else is cool:
Man O' War
Dark Future
Battlefleet Gothic
Also see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aeronautica_Imperialis
Epic 40,000
Dark Elf assassins & scouts/skirmishers
Skaven assassins & scouts/skirmishers
Lizardmen chameleons & scouts/skirmishers
Eldar Renegades jetbikes & scouts/skirmishers (btw, the whole "Dark <something>" as a name for whatever ...needs to go away, it sounds silly. Same with Spess Mehrine vs. Astartes)

Aside: I'm with Aaron Dembski-Bowden on this thing. http://aarondembskibowden.wordpress.com/2010/10/27/

  • “Why do you always say ‘Astartes’ in your novels?”

Because I hate the way “Space Marines” sounds.
They’re post-humans. They’re technically a different subspecies, vaguely similar to the way a mule is different from a horse or a donkey, but has bits of both. They’re Homo Astartes (stop laughing, you at the back)not Homo Sapiens.
“Space Marines” connotes something very lame, very generic, to me. “Astartes” doesn’t.
Gorkamorka is cool, too.
Dark Heresy.
Blood Bowl.

Not cool:
Necrons (the me-too evil robots with skull-faces race)
Race inflation
Codex creep
Mary Sue Grey Knights with blood all over them and a dude running around the warp doing his thing whatever.
Every unit having a special rule negating another special rule or a basic rule from, you know, the rulebook?

Starting to get the point yet? Probably not as no-one will read this for a while. The point is that games are there for fun and cool and awesome stuff. I'd rather pull off a cool move with cool stuff in one of 5 games than win 10 out of 10. But that's just me. I like winning, too.

So first up, Coteaz 1000 with no GKs, no vehicles and 3 assassins. Not competitive. Not  winning. But cool as all hell and might just be tons of fun. Add some tactics, some min-maxing and you just might be able to pull something off. Rock-paper-scissors weak against (I'm guessing, here)



  1. Why is a Hotshot Lasgun 5pts but a Boltgun 1pt when a Boltgun is better in all respects?

Need flowchart for: Assault phase psyker skills, Reserve issues, Terrain issues, Nightfighting issues, Infiltrate issues, Horde/Swarm v. MEQ v. Shooter v. Assault v. Mechanized v. Psyker opponents. Versus flyers? Fast movers? Tunnelers? Terminators? Lessons Learned, individual army lists.

Need variations for expected enemies/terrain/boards. Need little I-marked skulls/rings for objective markers.

Needs more DCA, Crusaders, Conversion Beamer, Condemnor Boltgun, Hellrifle, Incinerator, Daemonblade, Psybolt ammo, Empyrean Brain Mines, Terminator Inquisitor Ordo Malleus, Thunder Hammer, Null Rod, Psyocculum, Combi-flamer, Combi-melta, Combi-plasma, Ordo Xenos Digital Weapons, Ulumeathi Plasma Syphon, Rad/Psychotroke Grenades, Techmarine + Servoskulls, Orbital Strike Relay!, Melta Bombs for WAs.

Open terrain only, ability to kite and retreat toward edge. Needs Techmarine forBolster Defences

Coteaz 100 HQ
Inquisitor Ordo Xenos 25 + 10 + 8 + 3x3 + 30 + 30 = 112HQ
Combi-melta (pref.) or Plasma Pistol (get guidance on 2h gun + sword)
Power armour
Servo skulls x3
Rad grenades
Psychotroke grenades
Psyker + Psychic Communion and Force Sword

Vindicare 145E + Callidus 145E + Eversor 130E in RESERVE = 420

398 pts left for troops

Jokaero 2x35 = 70
Henchmen Servitors 2x3 Heavy Bolter, Heavy Bolter, Multi-melta, for 2x30 = 60

268 pts left

Warrior Acolytes with Plasma, Melta, Flamer, Carapace armour +1 Melta Bomb 3x18 + 5 = 3x59 = 177

91 left

Stormbolter Acolyte 4x7 = 28

Crusader 1x15
Death Cult Assassin 1x15

TOTAL: 997


Dreadnought HS 115 + 20 + 1 + 15 = 151
2x Assault Cannon
Extra Armour

MINUS Eversor PLUS Techmarine 90 + 3 + 9 + 5 + 10 +10 + 50 = 177 (gain of 47)
Storm bolter
3 servo-skulls
Blind grenades
Rad grenades
Empyrean Brain-mines
Orbital strike relay

305 left

Daemonhost 1x10
Jokaero 4x35 = 140

155 left

Crusader 3x15= 45
Arco-Flagellant 1x15

95 left

59squad x1
Stormbolter Acolyte 5x7 = 35

TOTAL 1499


TBD. WIP. Move along, people.

HQ what?
Penal Legion 80 x2
Rough Riders 55
Ratlings 3 for 30, 10 for 100
Scout Sentinel 35
Storm Troopers 85
Hydra? 75
Ogryn 2+1 for 130
Heavy weapons

Gutter Runners 60 for 5
Assassin 120H
Giant Rats 23 for 5/1
Rat Swarm 50 for 2
Rat Ogres unknown 100ish
Ratling Gun +55 to Stormvermin/Clanrats only
Skavenslaves 80 for 2x20
Clanrats 80 for 20
Stormvermin 70 for 10

Kheradruakh 140
Jetbike 66 for 3
Harlequin 90 for 5
Death Jester +10
Shadowseer +30
Mandrake 45 for 3E

Karandras 215
Warp Spiders 110 for 5
Jetbike 66 for 3
Rangers 95 for 5
War Walker 35+
Harlequin 90 for 5
Death Jester +10
Shadowseer +30
Wraithlord 100+

Shades 80 for 5S
Assassin 90
Shadowblade 300
Dark Riders 85 for 5





500pt no large base unitmax size base is regular infantry model base
500pt three models only no FOC restrictions
1000pt normal
1000pt Deathstar blob - single unit only
1100pt normal
1500pt normal
1750pt normal

DEFENSE OF CADIA14th Black Crusade

Xenosfigure out how to give Eldar etc. a chance to affect outcome meaningfully

We will test you on: defense, offense, mobility, combined arms, use of cover, use of no cover.

Space Hulk-type deep city scenarios with 40k night-fighting rulesdouble-wide corridors with some exceptions, use grey foam or black-painted styrofoam cut deep into corridors for that claustrophobic feeling. Doors etc. Simple, effective, alien ship setup. Warn people ahead of time. Might want to bring a searchlight.
500 normal vs. 500 three-modelthen switch, other area of same ship, just turn table 90 degrees. Then 1000 v 1000 dayfight on surface, no or very little cover.

Escort/Gauntlet scenariosbreak through with one nominated unit intact carrying whatever, make sure cover available
Hidden objectiveskill opponent unit X, your unit Y must survive, your unit Z counts as double kill points
Wide open steppesnear zero terrain, maybe river crossing big long bridge, advertise before-hand, have some trenches possibly
Long Game10 rounds attrition
Starting two rounds from after the current round, or from now if in between turns, night falls.

Roundsyour side gaining objectives in one round carries advantage into next
Penultimate round1750pt versus 1500pt

Ultimate round2x500pt team play

Three-rounds elimination winner stays on table in defensive position, loser side gets to call who goes next against that opponent.

Best death charge master
Best tactician
Best defender
Most fun opponent
Unexpected list
Stabby McStabberson, CC Tactician Extraordinaire
Shooty McSniperson, Shooter Player Par Excellence
Field Marshal McRommelson, Combined Arms Genius
Best painted vehicles
Best painted footsloggers
Best painted bikes/jetbikes

Gorka Orks'Ere we go.
Morka Orks
Eldar Renegades (Darksounds juvenile and silly imho)

Tyranid (incl. Genestealer elites)Let us prey.
Genestealer Cult (incl. some Tyranid support)Welcome, prey.

Adeptus Mechanicus, robots, skitarii, Knight Paladins, mechanized, servitors, heavy support.Deus Est Machina.
Imperial Navydrop troops, mobile infantry

Ordo Malleus / Grey Knights (either mainly GK with Inquisition support or v.v.)
Ordo Xenos / Deathwatch
Ordo Hereticus / Adepta Sororitas
Above three allows mostly Inquisitor forces with military support, or vice versa. Some overlap, with e.g. a few Ordo Malleus inquisitors seconded to a Deathwatch operation, but not able to bring more than one unit of Grey Knights or more than one unit of Malleus-specific troop choices added at higher cost.

Imperial Guardcan take a squad of Space Marines (incl. Legion of the Damned)
Planetary Defense Forces (cheaper, mass infantry, with elite allies options)
Cadian Shock TroopsBulwark against terror
Vostroyan First-born
Tallarn Desert Raiders
Elysian Drop Troops
Death Korps of Krieg
Necromundan Spiders/8th Regiment

Squats (might as well resurrect them, since there's so many models still out there)

Codex Astartes (Ultramarines)Strength & Honour” “Closer to codex
Blood AngelsRemember Sanguinius
Space WolvesVlka Fenryka
Dark AngelsRepent!
Black TemplarsIt will never end
Imperial FistsImmovable
White ScarsFast Attack” “For the Khan
Iron Hands (Adeptus Mechanicus allies)Flesh is weak.
SalamandersFire & Hammer
Raven GuardNever more
Blood RavensKnowledge is power

Nurgle (Death Guard allies)Things fall apart.
Tzeentch (Thousand Sons allies)Change is God.
Slaanesh (Emperor's Children allies)Enjoy.
Khorne (World Eaters allies)Blood for the Blood God

Chaos Squat (lousy name for a codex, though)

Black Legion (Chaos Undivided)Death to the false Emperor
Night Lords (Chaos Undivided)We come for you.
Word Bearers (Chaos Undivided)Apostles
Alpha Legion (Chaos Undivided)For the Emperor
Emperor's Children (Slaanesh allies)Death to his foes!
Iron Warriors (Chaos Undivided)Unstoppable.
World Eaters (Khorne allies)Skulls for the Skull Throne
Death Guard (Nurgle allies)Live forever
Thousand Sons (Tzeentch allies)All is dust