1,022 Warhammer/GW/40K Demotivational Posters

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/warhammerfunny

So I had the bright idea to collect all the 40K/WHFB/GW-related de/motivational posters in one place for people's enjoyment. After a few days that turned into over one THOUSAND images.

Posting them all here is probably not a good idea. I'd like to get them up somewhere where just anyone can contribute to the collection, but the best idea I've got right now is 1d4chan.org/wiki/Main_Page and honestly I'm not sure they want or could handle that many images. I sent the main guy, "Wikifag" (what is it with people throwing around the term "fag"?) an email but for now I've settled on tossing up a few a day to a tumblr page. Not that I know much about tumblr.

Another option would be to make a whole new Reddit subgroup, but ...meh. Just hoping to spread around some really cool and funny demotivational posters that people have created over the years. Unfortunately a lot where only publicly available on a website called motivatedphotos.com - now defunct.

Here's a taste of the ones I thought were more funny than the rest:

What kind of gamer are you?

Bear with me on this one, it might get a bit meta.

I started playing Drakar och Demoner, the Swedish-language local version of (GURPS, actually) D & D back in 1980-something with some local middle-school friends. Read Dragonlance books. Read Battletech and Warhammer and Tolkien and the first big 40K story that made a big impression on me - Deathwing.

Gang Wars/Necromunda style game in White Dwarf 207 (?)

Got the Blood Bowl game. Got Adeptus Titanicus. Got some 40K terminators but never actually played any of the games. Played computer games. Fast forward to 2002-ish when I got the Diablo bug while studying for a Master's Degree (during a blazing war out to sea in the Persian Gulf, no less - but I digress). D2X. Then World of Warcraft fairly hardcore for 4-5 years, off and on - see coldbear.wordpress.com

All this time I've been more interested in immersion and emotional feedback from games, than winning (I'm hugely competitive in many other aspects of my life, and like to win at games, too). Games are memorable when they create emotions. See http://liquidcode.org/~lostman/wow/dkeserver.se/stuff/angwe/

Warhammer Fantasy Battle unit platter

If there's no emotion involved, if there's no caring, no immersion, then it's just a game. Of course it's just a game, it's not real, it's play pretend. But if you can invest something in it more than just some dice rolls or hitting hotkeys, then there's something there - and a potentially huge emotional involvement and payoff. To a point.

Warhammer Fantasy Battle - not much terrain, eh?

Let's face it, most of us live fairly mundane lives (though I've seen the depths of the ocean at 2,000 ft, have been to one of the toughest military training programs on the planet, been close to death on plenty of rockfaces and been around the globe twice etc etc...). It'd be cool to step into something more exciting once in a while, with no risk. Therefore my computer gaming insistence on lack of UI and immersion and internal consistency and believability - let's not explain everything with the old "oh, it's magic."

Now for the Games Workshop/Warhammer focus bit. Some pictures first:

Mordheim?

 Ok, the pictures are gonna have to hang out on the side. Take a look through them.

Warhammer Fantasy Battle - no or little terrain, moving things around on platters. No immersion. Just a flat field and weird big platters taking up space and making it seem like the bases of a bunch of models have a really huge footprint. Let's not forget the "ok, now there's big magic flying bolts going off, and this guy here has a magic sword thing." The latter part which is purely imaginary - there's no visual representation, unless you're in a computer environment.

40K with more terrain than usual

Necromunda professionally done

Mordheim - tons of terrain. City stuff. Individual units. Campaign-focused or individual skirmish games with low-model-count. Lose one model and you care. Lose a few more and you're done.

Same with Necromunda, Coreheim, Deathsquads, ITEN, Killzone or any of a number of skirmish-focused Warhammer Fantasy/40K styles. This is where the models really look like they fit in. Small bases that don't obscure the terrain much, since the model is large compared to its footprint. Sure it's just a toy soldier, but darnit - it fits. It's not quite an awesome immersive experience, but pretty darn close.

Epic 40K

Mordheim

40K regular style. 2000 pts on a 6x4 table top. Tons of models. Individually moved models. Small bases or no bases in case of vehicles (I hate vehicles, it's silly to have flyers - hell no a fixed-wing airplane with wings and propellers/turbines isn't a skimmer - and in a small tactical situation). Fairly decent, better than WHFB for me, and a bit more believable with some terrain and whatnot. I'm not a big fan of units just unloading and moving 30" in a turn straight across the board, but what the heck. Now there's less magic and more just shooty guns stuff. That's a bit more immersive to me than big magic - there's a guy with a gun, he shoots, you can't see the bullets anyway so there's no break in the suspension of disbelief (minor and tenuous as it is).

I'd prefer 500 pts or 1000 pts and not so many vehicles and less movement per turn to make the field of battle seem larger and each turn be a "smaller snapshot in time" of the battle. I'd rather have an immersive simulation than a game that you just play to win with GK vs GK and silly things like that. I'd much rather have a story-line narrative tournament/campaign than just a straight-up measure of skill with diabolically and clinically even playing fields to make sure that skill is the only thing that comes out on top - similar to the arenas in World of Warcraft.

Squat Epic 40K

BFG/Aeronautica Imperialis/Man O' War - kind of special deals here in that there's little actual terrain, mostly just empty space, a felt mat or whatnot. Plus no-one really plays much AI/MOW anymore. I'd love to get me some AI. Either case you can see that the model is not dwarfed by the base as is the case in WHFB platter-syndrome. Still looks a bit weird sometimes though.

Epic 40K and Warmaster etc - big bases that clash with the background. You look like you're moving around little squares with pegs on them instead of units. No. I'd rather not. Epic 40K looks nicer and more impressive and immersive when you're talking Titans. Or Battletech style. Big models relative to base size. Especially if the underlying terrain is a contrasting colour. Pet peeve with me. Nice looking model on crazy base that clashes with the terrain and just ruins how it looks in play.

But then again many people don't agree with me. I'm ok with that. It's just a matter of finding like-minded people to play with. I'd love to play this girl's list: http://elorrahstormbringer.blogspot.com/2011/12/genestealer-overkill.html Yes, she's a real live girl that plays 40K.

Battlefleet Gothic

 So - what kind of player are you? Is it a game or a story or both or more of one and a bit of the other? Is it about painting and the hobby and the fluff or more about finding a way to win.

To each their own.

How to find players

NEW: http://www.tabletoptournaments.net/ - seems populated database, checking now.

Finding players is a huge issue for some of us.

Well-supported, popular games and you don't care who you play or what terrain or format or how things are done or the WAAC meta? Congratulations, you're all set. But for Man O' War, BFG, Aeronautica Imperialis, Epic 40K, Necromunda, Mordheim, Dark Future and whatnot you're a bit S.O.L.

I've been working on solutions. Best I can find is these:

• Google gaming stores. Use the Games Workshop store locator. Google "" and all the games you're interested in. Keep in mind that people who play a well-spread game like Epic 40K might be open to BFG or AI. 40K players might be interested in Necromunda or its fan-made variants that they don't have to buy stuff for. Fantasy players will be interested in Mordheim etc.

• http://nearbygamers.com/ - Probably the biggest of the "let's make a database for gamers" websites.

• http://www.accessdenied.net/ - Nicely set up, but seems to have a lot VERY OLD information.

• http://www.meetup.com/ - Good for lots of popular things, not so good for trying to find people to play old board games/wargames with. If you want something not just for wargaming, this is it.

• http://needgamers.com/ - New startup that looks great. But not so great once you realize the guy who's operating it is just doubling up on the work already done by people on the three above websites.

• http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?372312-A-List-of-Player-Finders - Where I found most of this, some dead links, and the RPG one is a non-functional website (process died halfway through registration).

• boardgamegeek.com is a great website, but sadly not much in the way of finding players. They really should have put a map up and let people network.

I recently purchased an awesome vintage 1980s GW game called "Dark Future" - but finding people to play with is going to be a...

San Diego specific stuff I've found (might be in DC soon enough):

• http://www.gameempire.com/forum/

• http://rpg-sandiego.org/

"Deathsquads" - Fan-based WH40K skirmish game.

Horrible name with some nasty real-world connotations, but great idea.

http://www.deathsquadsgame.com/

http://www.deathsquadsgame.com/

Basically Necromunda with some updated rules, less gangs, more pre-existing 40K miniatures and races - IG, Renegade IG, Orks, Kroots, Eldar, Chaos whatever, Spess Mehrines. Incidentally, it appears that others have tried to do the same thing: http://iten-game.org/ I have never played either, nor have I ever played an actual game of 40K, or actually played any GW tabletop games whatsoever, though back in 1989(?) I had a copy of some 40K rulebook, Blood Bowl box, Titanicus box and actually painted some Terminators. Either case ITEN seems a bit more "throw out the rules and let's rewrite everything" than DS, so I'm digging DS a bit more. There's also Kill Team and some other 40K skirmish variants, with their own issues (KT supposedly being madly unbalanced).

Now for something completely different:

http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/1827/chainsaw-warrior

In other news the guy I just bought Dark Future and Chainsaw Warrior from turns out to be a 15-year employee of Games Workshop. Swell guy named Max Bottrill:

Max Bottrill
This is Max clutching his first ever Citadel Miniatures Catalogue. It's proper old and was made before we filled the catalogue with full-colour photographs - back then all of the miniatures were represented by illustrations.

Why is he swell? Because he listed Dark Future and Chainsaw Warrior on http://boardgamegeek.com/ without including any shipping costs to the US, so I emailed him asking if he'd consider checking how much it'd be. He took the games to the post office and got a quote for £48. I sprung on the deal seeing as how Dark Future is up on Ebay for $350 and he was selling it for much much less, with added models to boot. Send him the money and he goes to the post office to ship. And they now tell him they made a mistake and it's £70 to ship. He decides to just eat the extra cost. Good guy. I decide to split the added cost and send him an extra £11. So yes, there are good people working at GW, and they're not all heartless, non-gaming greedy bastards.

EDIT: Also, hello IHOP - Int'l House of Paincakes Blog Network.

Int'l House of Paincakes Blog Network

...hmmm, Chainsaw Warrior models, old school, for 40K or better yet Necromunda/DS. The DS name needs to change, I'm forum-warrioring about getting it done, see http://www.deathsquadsgame.com/t2281-the-meaning-of-the-term-death-squad

6th Edition: Warhammer 41,000

IT IS THE 42nd millennium. The Tyranids have eaten Ultramar, the proud Ultramarines are presumed killed to the last man with a strike force lost in the warp. The commander of the Word Bearers sent a message of condolence to the High Lords of Terra, then curbstomped Cadia. Isolated fragments of the Cadian Guard and Titan units still hold out in the mountains, and some regiments were off-world. The Word Bearer's message was intercepted by Clade Vanus of the Officio Assassinorum but opened a warp-rift that destroyed 3 sub-levels of a hive. Clade Vanus was blamed, and a small war ensued for 13 months between Clade Vindicare, Clade Vanus and an Astartes garrison force. 5,000 citizens starved to death, too afraid to go outside during the war. One hive governor was shot at dinner, the rest of the guests were too scared to move and carried on dining around his corpse.

A Hive Fleet reached the doors to the Imperial Palace but was repelled, having taken down Earth's defenses with assimilated Eldar biotechnology and slaves. Ghostly apparitions are manifesting in the Imperial Palace. Necrons have all but conquered a sector in Segmentum Ultimus, Imperial Forces tactically advanced in the opposite direction while the Necrons were backdoor pummeled by Eldar, Orks and Eldar Renegades, the latter of which are lead by "a mysterious figure." Several High Lords of Terra flee to Maginor, face death by Orks, who ignore them in favour of attacking another Waaagh.

The Tau accidentally invade the Webway, and several large Tau fleets are now infested with Harlequins. Two never before seen Space Marine chapters appear and wreak havoc across multiple segments. Their chapter names are not confirmed, but it's along the lines of "Templar's Death Goth Angels." One Chapter Master, whose speech is near un-intelligble, has been lost in the Webway for millennia, doomed to slaughter and re-slaughter immortal Eldar spirits as well as lost Tau. He is sometimes able to surf a Tau ship into real-space but is forced back into the Webway by his honour oath to aid Ensign Amethystra Star Shinobi Aiko Pikard Janemay Sue, the troubled Medical Officer/Secret Inquisitor of the flagship Gloria Imperialis.

To sum up: Tyranids eat Ultramar and land on Earth. Necrons conquer a sector, and are in turn re-conquered. There is a mysterious figure. The Tau are lost in an Eldar bus terminal. Space Marines do their thing, with bad accents. The Orks go Waaaaaagh! The Blood Angels have not responded to questions about Necrons, other than to say "butt out."

In the grim dark darkness of the far grimness, there is only future, and it is grim. To be alive in such times is to have no clue what's going on, and you'll probably die before you're 40. With a headache.

Free rules, tactical, official GW Warhammer game that you only need 1-5 models to play. Pit Fighter.

I had no idea about this, found it by accident. More people should know, I'd start playing this right now, with $10 spent on eBay if someone's in San Diego.

1. Free download rules at http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1340002_Pit_Fighter.pdf

2. Official arena map: http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1340003_Pit_Fighter_Boards.pdf (or use any medium-size hex surface).

4. http://tabletopgeeks.com/wp-content/downloads/supplements/TownCryer14.pdf Campaign rules.

3. http://tabletopgeeks.com/wp-content/downloads/supplements/TownCryer21.pdf Warbands expanded.

Rules available for:
Chaos Pit Fighter
Empire Pit Fighter
Undead
Orc (with "Waaagh!" special move)
Skink (javelin & net)
Ogre
Troll Slayer
Witch Elf (forward/backward flips)
Pit King

Getting into 40K etc.

New job coming up, eventually. New location. 37 years old, unmarried, with liabilities and uncertainties. Money issues.

$1500 on a 40K army is just not gonna happen.

But how about:

Aeronautica Imperialis

Aeronautica Imperialis and few Eldar or Tay or Imperial fighters and whatnot. Plus a rulebook and it's cheap enough.

Battlefleet Gothic is just a few models and a second-hand rulebook.

Titanicus - Epic scale 40,000. Cheap enough. Just go with the Titans and stay with a few medium-size models to keep it cheap.

Blood Bowl - teams are only so big.

Dark Future - books are cheap if you search for used. Small number of models. EBay.

EBay.

500pts 40k army consisting of 20 non-GK models, or 1000pts at 36 models. GK no GK, no vehicles, triple assassins for fun and cool and insanity. Not gonna win much, but it might throw some people off.

Yeah, that last one will have to wait.

Ok - Eldar AI squadron. Eldar BFG fleet. Eldar Titans. Or Imperials v.v. To start with.

Blood Bowl team from eBay. Dark Future and whatnot as opportunities present themselves. Might even make a buck off of knowing how to buy, split things into pieces and re-sell.

Thunder Road or Dark Future or Car Wars or all three?

Hello.

COTEAZ INQUISITORIAL TASK FORCE NEMESIS 1000

1. Why is a Hotshot Lasgun 5pts but a Boltgun 1pt when a Boltgun is better in all respects?

Need flowchart for: Assault phase psyker skills, Reserve issues, Terrain issues, Nightfighting issues, Infiltrate issues, Horde/Swarm v. MEQ v. Shooter v. Assault v. Mechanized v. Psyker opponents. Versus flyers? Fast movers? Tunnelers? Terminators? Lessons Learned, individual army lists.

Need variations for expected enemies/terrain/boards. Need little I-marked skulls/rings for objective markers.

Needs more DCA, Crusaders, Conversion Beamer, Condemnor Boltgun, Hellrifle, Incinerator, Daemonblade, Psybolt ammo, Empyrean Brain Mines, Terminator Inquisitor Ordo Malleus, Thunder Hammer, Null Rod, Psyocculum, Combi-flamer, Combi-melta, Combi-plasma, Ordo Xenos Digital Weapons, Ulumeathi Plasma Syphon, Rad/Psychotroke Grenades, Techmarine + Servoskulls, Orbital Strike Relay!, Melta Bombs for WAs.

MAXIMUM ASSASSINS

Open terrain only, ability to kite and retreat toward edge. Needs Techmarine for “Bolster Defences”

Coteaz 100 HQ

Inquisitor Ordo Xenos 25 + 10 + 8 + 3x3 + 30 + 30 = 112HQ

Combi-melta (pref.) or Plasma Pistol (get guidance on 2h gun + sword)

Power armour

Servo skulls x3

Rad grenades

Psychotroke grenades

Psyker + Psychic Communion and Force Sword

Vindicare 145E + Callidus 145E + Eversor 130E in RESERVE = 420

398 pts left for troops

Jokaero 2x35 = 70

Henchmen Servitors 2x3 Heavy Bolter, Heavy Bolter, Multi-melta, for 2x30 = 60

268 pts left

Warrior Acolytes with Plasma, Melta, Flamer, Carapace armour +1 Melta Bomb 3x18 + 5 = 3x59 = 177

91 left

Stormbolter Acolyte 4x7 = 28

Crusader 1x15

Death Cult Assassin 1x15

TOTAL: 997

1500 SHOOTY

Dreadnought HS 115 + 20 + 1 + 15 = 151

2x Assault Cannon

Searchlight

Extra Armour

MINUS Eversor PLUS Techmarine 90 + 3 + 9 + 5 + 10 +10 + 50 = 177 (gain of 47)

Storm bolter

3 servo-skulls

Blind grenades

Rad grenades

Empyrean Brain-mines

Orbital strike relay

305 left

Daemonhost 1x10

Jokaero 4x35 = 140

155 left

Crusader 3x15= 45

Arco-Flagellant 1x15

95 left

“59” squad x1

Stormbolter Acolyte 5x7 = 35

TOTAL 1499

1500 STABBY STABBY

TBD. WIP. Move along, people.

IMPERIAL GUARD 500

HQ what?

Penal Legion 80 x2

Rough Riders 55

Ratlings 3 for 30, 10 for 100

Scout Sentinel 35

Storm Troopers 85

Hydra? 75

Ogryn 2+1 for 130

Commissar?

Robots?

Servitors?

Medic

Heavy weapons

Searchlights

SKAVEN 500

Gutter Runners 60 for 5

Assassin 120H

Giant Rats 23 for 5/1

Rat Swarm 50 for 2

Rat Ogres unknown 100ish

Ratling Gun +55 to Stormvermin/Clanrats only

Skavenslaves 80 for 2x20

Clanrats 80 for 20

Stormvermin 70 for 10

DARK ELDAR 500

Kheradruakh 140

Jetbike 66 for 3

Beastmaster

Harlequin 90 for 5

Death Jester +10

Shadowseer +30

Mandrake 45 for 3E

ELDAR

Karandras 215

Warp Spiders 110 for 5

Jetbike 66 for 3

Rangers 95 for 5

War Walker 35+

Harlequin 90 for 5

Death Jester +10

Shadowseer +30

Wraithlord 100+

DARK ELVES 500

Shades 80 for 5S

Assassin 90

Shadowblade 300

Dark Riders 85 for 5

TYRANID 500

LEGION OF THE DAMNED 500

NORSE BLOOD BOWL

TOURNAMENT

500pt no large base unit – max size base is regular infantry model base

500pt three models only no FOC restrictions

1000pt normal

1000pt Deathstar blob - single unit only

1100pt normal

1500pt normal

1750pt normal

http://legiominimus.blogspot.com/2010/07/cadia-shall-burn.html

“DEFENSE OF CADIA” 14^th Black Crusade

Imperial

Chaos

Xenos – figure out how to give Eldar etc. a chance to affect outcome meaningfully

We will test you on: defense, offense, mobility, combined arms, use of cover, use of no cover.

Space Hulk-type deep city scenarios with 40k night-fighting rules – double-wide corridors with some exceptions, use grey foam or black-painted styrofoam cut deep into corridors for that claustrophobic feeling. Doors etc. Simple, effective, alien ship setup. Warn people ahead of time. Might want to bring a searchlight.

500 normal vs. 500 three-model – then switch, other area of same ship, just turn table 90 degrees. Then 1000 v 1000 dayfight on surface, no or very little cover.

Escort/Gauntlet scenarios – break through with one nominated unit intact carrying whatever, make sure cover available

Hidden objectives – kill opponent unit X, your unit Y must survive, your unit Z counts as double kill points

Wide open steppes – near zero terrain, maybe river crossing big long bridge, advertise before-hand, have some trenches possibly

Long Game – 10 rounds attrition

“Starting two rounds from after the current round, or from now if in between turns, night falls.”

Rounds – your side gaining objectives in one round carries advantage into next

Penultimate round – 1750pt versus 1500pt

Ultimate round – 2x500pt team play

Three-rounds elimination winner stays on table in defensive position, loser side gets to call who goes next against that opponent.

Nominate:

Best death charge master

Best tactician

Best defender

Most fun opponent

Unexpected list

Stabby McStabberson, CC Tactician Extraordinaire

Shooty McSniperson, Shooter Player Par Excellence

Field Marshal McRommelson, Combined Arms Genius

Best painted vehicles

Best painted footsloggers

Best painted bikes/jetbikes

CODEX WISHLIST

Gorka Orks “'Ere we go.”

Morka Orks

Tau

Necron “Die.”

Eldar

Eldar Renegades (“Dark” sounds juvenile and silly imho)

Tyranid (incl. Genestealer elites) “Let us prey.”

Genestealer Cult (incl. some Tyranid support) “Welcome, prey.”

Adeptus Mechanicus, robots, skitarii, Knight Paladins, mechanized, servitors, heavy support. “Deus Est Machina.”

Imperial Navy – drop troops, mobile infantry

Ordo Malleus / Grey Knights (either mainly GK with Inquisition support or v.v.)

Ordo Xenos / Deathwatch

Ordo Hereticus / Adepta Sororitas

Above three allows mostly Inquisitor forces with military support, or vice versa. Some overlap, with e.g. a few Ordo Malleus inquisitors seconded to a Deathwatch operation, but not able to bring more than one unit of Grey Knights or more than one unit of Malleus-specific troop choices added at higher cost.

Imperial Guard – can take a squad of Space Marines (incl. Legion of the Damned)

Planetary Defense Forces (cheaper, mass infantry, with elite allies options)

Catachans

Cadian Shock Troops “Bulwark against terror”

Tanith “First-and-Only”

Vostroyan First-born

Tallarn Desert Raiders

Elysian Drop Troops

Death Korps of Krieg

Necromundan Spiders/8^th Regiment

Squats (might as well resurrect them, since there's so many models still out there)

Codex Astartes (Ultramarines) “Strength & Honour” “Closer to codex”

Blood Angels “Remember Sanguinius”

Space Wolves “Vlka Fenryka”

Dark Angels “Repent!”

Black Templars “It will never end”

Imperial Fists “Immovable”

White Scars “Fast Attack” “For the Khan”

Iron Hands (Adeptus Mechanicus allies) “Flesh is weak.”

Salamanders “Fire & Hammer”

Raven Guard “Never more”

Blood Ravens “Knowledge is power”

Nurgle (Death Guard allies) “Things fall apart.”

Tzeentch (Thousand Sons allies) “Change is God.”

Slaanesh (Emperor's Children allies) “Enjoy.”

Khorne (World Eaters allies) “Blood for the Blood God”

Chaos Squat (lousy name for a codex, though)

Black Legion (Chaos Undivided) “Death to the false Emperor”

Night Lords (Chaos Undivided) “We come for you.”

Word Bearers (Chaos Undivided) “Apostles”

Alpha Legion (Chaos Undivided) “For the Emperor”

Emperor's Children (Slaanesh allies) “Death to his foes!”

Iron Warriors (Chaos Undivided) “Unstoppable.”

World Eaters (Khorne allies) “Skulls for the Skull Throne”

Death Guard (Nurgle allies) “Live forever”

Thousand Sons (Tzeentch allies) “All is dust”