1,022 Warhammer/GW/40K Demotivational Posters

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/warhammerfunny

So I had the bright idea to collect all the 40K/WHFB/GW-related de/motivational posters in one place for people's enjoyment. After a few days that turned into over one THOUSAND images.

Posting them all here is probably not a good idea. I'd like to get them up somewhere where just anyone can contribute to the collection, but the best idea I've got right now is 1d4chan.org/wiki/Main_Page and honestly I'm not sure they want or could handle that many images. I sent the main guy, "Wikifag" (what is it with people throwing around the term "fag"?) an email but for now I've settled on tossing up a few a day to a tumblr page. Not that I know much about tumblr.

Another option would be to make a whole new Reddit subgroup, but ...meh. Just hoping to spread around some really cool and funny demotivational posters that people have created over the years. Unfortunately a lot where only publicly available on a website called motivatedphotos.com - now defunct.

Here's a taste of the ones I thought were more funny than the rest:

What kind of gamer are you?

Bear with me on this one, it might get a bit meta.

I started playing Drakar och Demoner, the Swedish-language local version of (GURPS, actually) D & D back in 1980-something with some local middle-school friends. Read Dragonlance books. Read Battletech and Warhammer and Tolkien and the first big 40K story that made a big impression on me - Deathwing.

Gang Wars/Necromunda style game in White Dwarf 207 (?)

Got the Blood Bowl game. Got Adeptus Titanicus. Got some 40K terminators but never actually played any of the games. Played computer games. Fast forward to 2002-ish when I got the Diablo bug while studying for a Master's Degree (during a blazing war out to sea in the Persian Gulf, no less - but I digress). D2X. Then World of Warcraft fairly hardcore for 4-5 years, off and on - see coldbear.wordpress.com

All this time I've been more interested in immersion and emotional feedback from games, than winning (I'm hugely competitive in many other aspects of my life, and like to win at games, too). Games are memorable when they create emotions. See http://liquidcode.org/~lostman/wow/dkeserver.se/stuff/angwe/

Warhammer Fantasy Battle unit platter

If there's no emotion involved, if there's no caring, no immersion, then it's just a game. Of course it's just a game, it's not real, it's play pretend. But if you can invest something in it more than just some dice rolls or hitting hotkeys, then there's something there - and a potentially huge emotional involvement and payoff. To a point.

Warhammer Fantasy Battle - not much terrain, eh?

Let's face it, most of us live fairly mundane lives (though I've seen the depths of the ocean at 2,000 ft, have been to one of the toughest military training programs on the planet, been close to death on plenty of rockfaces and been around the globe twice etc etc...). It'd be cool to step into something more exciting once in a while, with no risk. Therefore my computer gaming insistence on lack of UI and immersion and internal consistency and believability - let's not explain everything with the old "oh, it's magic."

Now for the Games Workshop/Warhammer focus bit. Some pictures first:

Mordheim?

 Ok, the pictures are gonna have to hang out on the side. Take a look through them.

Warhammer Fantasy Battle - no or little terrain, moving things around on platters. No immersion. Just a flat field and weird big platters taking up space and making it seem like the bases of a bunch of models have a really huge footprint. Let's not forget the "ok, now there's big magic flying bolts going off, and this guy here has a magic sword thing." The latter part which is purely imaginary - there's no visual representation, unless you're in a computer environment.

40K with more terrain than usual

Necromunda professionally done

Mordheim - tons of terrain. City stuff. Individual units. Campaign-focused or individual skirmish games with low-model-count. Lose one model and you care. Lose a few more and you're done.

Same with Necromunda, Coreheim, Deathsquads, ITEN, Killzone or any of a number of skirmish-focused Warhammer Fantasy/40K styles. This is where the models really look like they fit in. Small bases that don't obscure the terrain much, since the model is large compared to its footprint. Sure it's just a toy soldier, but darnit - it fits. It's not quite an awesome immersive experience, but pretty darn close.

Epic 40K

Mordheim

40K regular style. 2000 pts on a 6x4 table top. Tons of models. Individually moved models. Small bases or no bases in case of vehicles (I hate vehicles, it's silly to have flyers - hell no a fixed-wing airplane with wings and propellers/turbines isn't a skimmer - and in a small tactical situation). Fairly decent, better than WHFB for me, and a bit more believable with some terrain and whatnot. I'm not a big fan of units just unloading and moving 30" in a turn straight across the board, but what the heck. Now there's less magic and more just shooty guns stuff. That's a bit more immersive to me than big magic - there's a guy with a gun, he shoots, you can't see the bullets anyway so there's no break in the suspension of disbelief (minor and tenuous as it is).

I'd prefer 500 pts or 1000 pts and not so many vehicles and less movement per turn to make the field of battle seem larger and each turn be a "smaller snapshot in time" of the battle. I'd rather have an immersive simulation than a game that you just play to win with GK vs GK and silly things like that. I'd much rather have a story-line narrative tournament/campaign than just a straight-up measure of skill with diabolically and clinically even playing fields to make sure that skill is the only thing that comes out on top - similar to the arenas in World of Warcraft.

Squat Epic 40K

BFG/Aeronautica Imperialis/Man O' War - kind of special deals here in that there's little actual terrain, mostly just empty space, a felt mat or whatnot. Plus no-one really plays much AI/MOW anymore. I'd love to get me some AI. Either case you can see that the model is not dwarfed by the base as is the case in WHFB platter-syndrome. Still looks a bit weird sometimes though.

Epic 40K and Warmaster etc - big bases that clash with the background. You look like you're moving around little squares with pegs on them instead of units. No. I'd rather not. Epic 40K looks nicer and more impressive and immersive when you're talking Titans. Or Battletech style. Big models relative to base size. Especially if the underlying terrain is a contrasting colour. Pet peeve with me. Nice looking model on crazy base that clashes with the terrain and just ruins how it looks in play.

But then again many people don't agree with me. I'm ok with that. It's just a matter of finding like-minded people to play with. I'd love to play this girl's list: http://elorrahstormbringer.blogspot.com/2011/12/genestealer-overkill.html Yes, she's a real live girl that plays 40K.

Battlefleet Gothic

 So - what kind of player are you? Is it a game or a story or both or more of one and a bit of the other? Is it about painting and the hobby and the fluff or more about finding a way to win.

To each their own.

This is what 40K terrain should look like.

This is what a video battle report should look like.

Slightly hard to follow as it goes pretty fast. But damn good. Immersive. This is the essence of what 40K is to me - the not-so-competitive player - I want that story, the emotional investment in your little dudes and what happens. If you don't care - then what's the point? Winning? Congratulations, all that time spent for a very fleeting feeling of smug superiority. I'd rather have a narrative, but maybe that's just the original Drakar & Demoner RPGer in me speaking (very old GURPS-style, iirc, Swedish-language RPG I played a lot back in 1988ish).

So how, la?

Tripod. Or steadicam. Some basic editing. Some sound effects. And a bunch of planning ahead of time. It's really the planning that shines in this video.

Best Battlefleet Gothic battle report video I've seen.

Good voiceovers, awesome immersive table top setup (could have lost the papers, pens and dice but meh), well painted models. Slightly lacking in easily overviewed tactics, but if you know BFG you can probably tell what's up. I've never played it (would love to) and so had some difficulty following, but cool nonetheless, and it's not like good BFG video battle reports are all over youtube, really.

Give the guy some love and subscribe imo. http://www.youtube.com/user/Fixer40000

Best battle report I've seen.

This comes up if you google "40K cool" images.

Creative as all hell. Tons of work went into it. After effects. Planning. Semi-professional camerawork with a tripod. No wonder that the latter stages of the battle haven't been completed, as this is a crapton of work.

That said - a few hopefully constructive criticisms. I'm not a fan of green playing surfaces. They end up contrasting a lot with bases and buildings and whatnot. Straight black usually works better, even given that many model's bases are black sides and some sort of "terrain-coloured" top of the base - or even worse, "special," with some sort of converted terrain piece addition like crystals or a piece of a ruin that makes the individual unit look great alone but doesn't blend at all with the actual table top gaming terrain environment. Black, grey, olive drab gaming surface and same with the model bases. Anything else just ends up looking very contrasting - but I suppose it's just a game after all and many people care more about how their models look alone or in the privacy of your own collection, or just not "boring."

#2 - individual units moving one by one looks a bit weird.

#3 - individual units in a crowd firing one by one looks a bit weird. A tactical squad all firing at once would have been very cool.

Both the above I'm inclined not to care too much about since this is a battle report, not an immersive simulation. The video is damn good, just a few things *I* would do different. Or try to. Mad respect to the people who did this. I'd try something similar, but on a smaller scale with fewer units. I have plenty of experience editing CGI gaming videos, but never messed with actual effects like these.

#4 - the buildings alternately look nice and just weirdly paper-y. Meh.

Starting to think that how people deal with this hobby is more and more a reflection of whether they want a game or a narrative, immersive story.

In other news dealing with the US health insurance/dental insurance system is a p.i.t.a. and complex as all hell.

P.S. I'm gonna try to get a "Flowchart Friday" fun series up and running. Sort of like http://forthebubbles.wordpress.com/tag/flowchart-friday/ First up will be some sort of take on "I want to play 40K..."

Lord Inquisitor trailer. Fan made CGI feature film.

http://youtu.be/N7glPda2Lcc

http://www.thelordinquisitor.com/

Not the greatest voice-over, but very good quality CGI and some good flow. I'd pay $10 to see something like this for an hour or so, assuming they got the voiceovers right.

I'm still very slowly working on a similar CGI movie script for Eisenhorn. Look for it in 2022.

In other news, FTW blog network. New job as of 5 days ago, so a bit busy. Real-life inquisitorial investigations happening right now.

Cool 40K Assassin models

I'm a tad underwhelmed by the 40K Vindicare and Culexus models. There are some alternatives out there - various Scout models for the Vindicare, mainly - though the Culexus is a bit set in stone as the head piece is rather visually distinctive. Too big and unwieldy-looking and a bit whack for me, but to each their own.

A Vindicare standing up to shoot is just a bit weird to me as a former platoon designated shooter myself, but I suppose. Gotta have uniform height for models for LOS gaming purposes and all that. Plus no-one wants a model that's lying down and covered in a ghillie suit. Callidus is fine, but for the paintjobs that people put on them imho - white skulls and emblems on a sneaky assassin? Sure, after the Polymorphine and all that, I suppose... Eversor - well, all bets are off there. Go crazy, maybe convert with an Arco-flagellant or something, though the base model looks swell enough.

But there's also older models to consider. Like, way old.

Some still available via Ebay at http://goo.gl/LEqqD (SFW, Ebay link).

1981 Spacefarers Citadel Miniatures
"Cyborg Assassin" model.

Unreleased Culexus model.

Rogue Trader Assassin,
make the gun longer and there's your Vindicare.

Dark Elf Assassin counts as 40K DCA to me.

Incidentally, some Dark Elf fantasy dual-wielding models can look pretty nice. Unlike the official 40K Death Cult Assassin females in bikinis and high heels - lol what? So unless you're playing with jerks, I'd just substitute the dual-wielding Dark Elf.

Dark Elf Assassin counts as 40K DCA to me.

Shadowblade, Dark Elf Assassin counts as 40K DCA to me.

Really, any mostly un-armoured model dual-wielding swords will do as far as I'm concerned. Slightly more reasonable and immersive than a girl in a bikini, high heels and two power swords. Your call, most people don't really care for things like reasonable realism in a fictional universe filled with magic and psykers and power armour and whatnot. But I do. RP, lore, fluff, immersion and all that. Less of a game and more of a story, to me, though I understand most people don't see it that way. Maybe I should stick to things like Mordheim and Necromunda, esp. due to the overwhelming fan-base focus on competitive WH 40K play. People doing "dice rolling technique" and nudging models forward to get in range, nit-picking template placements and rules and Win-At-All-Cost attitudes and all that. Plus I guess it's reasonable to get upset if you spend $1300 to field an army, get it all painted up and then get your butt kicked by some overgrown rules lawyer with poor or non-existent social skills. I'd rather not be in that environment.

But yeah, assassin models. Cool.
EDIT: Just toured a few gaming stores in San Diego. Turns out there's tons of ninja-looking appropriate-scale miniatures with dual-wielding daggers/swords from various manufacturers. Have a look around.

"Deathsquads" - Fan-based WH40K skirmish game.

Horrible name with some nasty real-world connotations, but great idea.

http://www.deathsquadsgame.com/

http://www.deathsquadsgame.com/

Basically Necromunda with some updated rules, less gangs, more pre-existing 40K miniatures and races - IG, Renegade IG, Orks, Kroots, Eldar, Chaos whatever, Spess Mehrines. Incidentally, it appears that others have tried to do the same thing: http://iten-game.org/ I have never played either, nor have I ever played an actual game of 40K, or actually played any GW tabletop games whatsoever, though back in 1989(?) I had a copy of some 40K rulebook, Blood Bowl box, Titanicus box and actually painted some Terminators. Either case ITEN seems a bit more "throw out the rules and let's rewrite everything" than DS, so I'm digging DS a bit more. There's also Kill Team and some other 40K skirmish variants, with their own issues (KT supposedly being madly unbalanced).

Now for something completely different:

http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/1827/chainsaw-warrior

In other news the guy I just bought Dark Future and Chainsaw Warrior from turns out to be a 15-year employee of Games Workshop. Swell guy named Max Bottrill:

Max Bottrill
This is Max clutching his first ever Citadel Miniatures Catalogue. It's proper old and was made before we filled the catalogue with full-colour photographs - back then all of the miniatures were represented by illustrations.

Why is he swell? Because he listed Dark Future and Chainsaw Warrior on http://boardgamegeek.com/ without including any shipping costs to the US, so I emailed him asking if he'd consider checking how much it'd be. He took the games to the post office and got a quote for £48. I sprung on the deal seeing as how Dark Future is up on Ebay for $350 and he was selling it for much much less, with added models to boot. Send him the money and he goes to the post office to ship. And they now tell him they made a mistake and it's £70 to ship. He decides to just eat the extra cost. Good guy. I decide to split the added cost and send him an extra £11. So yes, there are good people working at GW, and they're not all heartless, non-gaming greedy bastards.

EDIT: Also, hello IHOP - Int'l House of Paincakes Blog Network.

Int'l House of Paincakes Blog Network

...hmmm, Chainsaw Warrior models, old school, for 40K or better yet Necromunda/DS. The DS name needs to change, I'm forum-warrioring about getting it done, see http://www.deathsquadsgame.com/t2281-the-meaning-of-the-term-death-squad

Ordo Xenos Inquisitor + Jokaero

Ordo Xenos Inquisitor + Jokaero

So my GK no GK no mech triple Assassin army list has an Ordo Xenos Inquisitor and monkeys in it. Jokaero, whatever.

Hmmm... not sure whether to call it a fluff list anymore, or just stupid. Or cool. Yeah, not really sure how to deal with this. Eh, *shrug*. I just want to play something cool with awesome stuff and have fun. I'm okay with only winning against bad players or horrible lists or people that I can manage to get drunk first.

Free rules, tactical, official GW Warhammer game that you only need 1-5 models to play. Pit Fighter.

I had no idea about this, found it by accident. More people should know, I'd start playing this right now, with $10 spent on eBay if someone's in San Diego.

1. Free download rules at http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1340002_Pit_Fighter.pdf

2. Official arena map: http://www.games-workshop.com/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m1340003_Pit_Fighter_Boards.pdf (or use any medium-size hex surface).

4. http://tabletopgeeks.com/wp-content/downloads/supplements/TownCryer14.pdf Campaign rules.

3. http://tabletopgeeks.com/wp-content/downloads/supplements/TownCryer21.pdf Warbands expanded.

Rules available for:
Chaos Pit Fighter
Empire Pit Fighter
Undead
Orc (with "Waaagh!" special move)
Skink (javelin & net)
Ogre
Troll Slayer
Witch Elf (forward/backward flips)
Pit King

Getting into 40K etc.

New job coming up, eventually. New location. 37 years old, unmarried, with liabilities and uncertainties. Money issues.

$1500 on a 40K army is just not gonna happen.

But how about:

Aeronautica Imperialis

Aeronautica Imperialis and few Eldar or Tay or Imperial fighters and whatnot. Plus a rulebook and it's cheap enough.

Battlefleet Gothic is just a few models and a second-hand rulebook.

Titanicus - Epic scale 40,000. Cheap enough. Just go with the Titans and stay with a few medium-size models to keep it cheap.

Blood Bowl - teams are only so big.

Dark Future - books are cheap if you search for used. Small number of models. EBay.

EBay.

500pts 40k army consisting of 20 non-GK models, or 1000pts at 36 models. GK no GK, no vehicles, triple assassins for fun and cool and insanity. Not gonna win much, but it might throw some people off.

Yeah, that last one will have to wait.

Ok - Eldar AI squadron. Eldar BFG fleet. Eldar Titans. Or Imperials v.v. To start with.

Blood Bowl team from eBay. Dark Future and whatnot as opportunities present themselves. Might even make a buck off of knowing how to buy, split things into pieces and re-sell.

Thunder Road or Dark Future or Car Wars or all three?

Callidus

1. Callidus appears. D6 ST4 AP2 hits. Not specified if CC or shooting attacks.

I'd maintain it's either a CC attack or an unspecified "special" attack, but certainly not a ranged attack as the Callidus' ranged attack is a Template ST8* AP1 attack. (* Resolved against target's Leadership.)

Needs clarification.

Warhammer 40,000 Callidus Assassin
Nice inconspicuous long white topknot thing, etc.

2. Callidus can hit vehicles with the opening "Polymorphine" special rule attack. The Callidus' ranged weapon, the Neural Shredder, can not harm vehicles.

3. Callidus is placed within 3" of the unit, or where the unit was if destroyed. Nothing says a Callidus can't attack a unit locked in CC. No shooting can generally be done against a unit in CC.

4. Let's assume that the Callidus destroys the unit that was locked in CC. Does the friendly unit get a consolidation move? I'm inclined to say no.

5. Rule as written has the Callidus placed within 3" using Deep Strike rules - therefore can shoot but not assault that turn. This is somewhat ridiculous, but I suppose it could conceivably be overpowered if not. Weird. OP-ness must of course be measured against unit cost and synergy with the rest of the codex and weapons and likelihood of swaying a battle and fluff and lore and all that.

EDIT: Rumoured changes coming in 6th edition is Deep Striking units being allowed to shoot immediately upon entry into play. Maybe I'm grasping at straws here, but there's a few possibilities:
A. The rumour is full of crap.
B. Rumour true, but Polymorphine rule changes to make the Callidus essentially stay the same.
C. Rumour true, Polymorphine changes differently or is clarified or Callidus is otherwisely changed (my guess).
D. Rumour true, Polymorphine wording is unchanged, all of a sudden Callidus is looking a tiny bit better. Not good, but better.

What the hell was that?

That was a throwaway post on some random musings related to:

Getting back into a hobby that I put on hold back in 1989-ish.

What's cool in 40K:
Assassins
Inquisition
Scouts
Infiltrators
Genestealers
Eisenhorn
Bikes
Swarms
Fluff
Lore
The imaginary universe with the most amount of wasted person-hours. [Rough paraphrase of something I saw written.]

What's not:
Imbalanced gameplay. Outdated mechanics. Non-streamlined gameplay. New people having to know everything from 15 different books to get a good game going. Mech everything. Zoom across the board and pull your favourite move, slingshot, disembark forward or whatever silliness.

What else is cool:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dan-Abnetts-Eisenhorn-trilogy-should-be-made-into-movies/320023800200
http://www.thelordinquisitor.com/
Man O' War
Dark Future
Battlefleet Gothic
http://www.forgeworld.co.uk/Aeronautica-Imperialis/Rules_and_Accessories/AERONAUTICA-IMPERIALIS.html
Also see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aeronautica_Imperialis
Epic 40,000
Dark Elf assassins & scouts/skirmishers
Skaven assassins & scouts/skirmishers
Lizardmen chameleons & scouts/skirmishers
Eldar Renegades jetbikes & scouts/skirmishers (btw, the whole "Dark <something>" as a name for whatever ...needs to go away, it sounds silly. Same with Spess Mehrine vs. Astartes)

Aside: I'm with Aaron Dembski-Bowden on this thing. http://aarondembskibowden.wordpress.com/2010/10/27/

• “Why do you always say ‘Astartes’ in your novels?”

Because I hate the way “Space Marines” sounds.

They’re post-humans. They’re technically a different subspecies, vaguely similar to the way a mule is different from a horse or a donkey, but has bits of both. They’re Homo Astartes (stop laughing, you at the back), not Homo Sapiens.

“Space Marines” connotes something very lame, very generic, to me. “Astartes” doesn’t.

Gorkamorka is cool, too.
Dark Heresy.
Necromunda.
Mordheim.
Blood Bowl.

Not cool:
Necrons (the me-too evil robots with skull-faces race)
Race inflation
Codex creep
Mary Sue Grey Knights with blood all over them and a dude running around the warp doing his thing whatever.
Every unit having a special rule negating another special rule or a basic rule from, you know, the rulebook?

Starting to get the point yet? Probably not as no-one will read this for a while. The point is that games are there for fun and cool and awesome stuff. I'd rather pull off a cool move with cool stuff in one of 5 games than win 10 out of 10. But that's just me. I like winning, too.

So first up, Coteaz 1000 with no GKs, no vehicles and 3 assassins. Not competitive. Not  winning. But cool as all hell and might just be tons of fun. Add some tactics, some min-maxing and you just might be able to pull something off. Rock-paper-scissors weak against (I'm guessing, here)